Last night I fell asleep on my side with Mishka laying along the edge of my body. This was a comforting position we both knew well together.
At 10pm I was awoken by some paint supplies falling down my staircase. I followed the sound, and found both of my cats sitting on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, sitting and staring at the objects that had fallen.
I cleaned the mess up, and went back to sleep.
At midnight Mishka jumped onto my bed, howling and favoring his left front leg. I assumed he injured it in the paint incident earlier, and called emergency vet services.
We brought him in. They did x-rays. The vet came in to explain that the films didn't show any bone injuries. He hadn't seen animals in that sort of pain from just a break. He tested blood sugar in the back legs, and the front 'lame' leg. The difference in results led him to believe that the front leg wasn't getting any blood to it. Mishka had blood clotting going on.
To really show us what this meant, he pulled out his vet book of diseases, and pointed out the paragraph that stated cats in this condition usually pass, or are put down, within 24 hours. We could have left him there overnight ($1,000+), and kept him in constant care just to see if he'd get better, but all they could do is take care of his pain and hope. And then, even if he got better, they guaranteed this would happen again within weeks to a year. So we'd just be waiting to have to make that decision again, waiting for him to have another attack.
While I was debating how much of a bad person I was to put him down, or if I could afford to put myself in debt over a loved cat just 'to see if he'd get better', the vet noticed that his leg with little blood flow had become stiff and cold. His entire temp was so low that they had blankets and hot water bottles around him.
I've gone through some rough stuff in my life, and last night's decision will haunt me for quite a while.