It's all coming together, really. Last December I was so stressed out at work that it manifested itself in Shingles. Which was a different type of pain that I've ever felt. Then the next month the scalp stuff started. And now here we are, October and ten months later, and I'm realizing that psoriasis was also a manifestation of stress.
So here's the moral of the story: nothing is worth me being stressed. I will try to be happy all of the time, and if there's a conflict, I will speak in the moment or never hold my peace until it's fixed.
That being said, my first sentence was meant to be less literal than existential. I feel like it's getting easier to clean my house, take care of my cat, play my clarinet. My quiet time is rare and it's taken me a little while to utilize it. I'm also thinking a lot more about long term. When am I going to buy a house? How do I stay in touch with my family and Jim's family more? Who are my real friends, and why does it matter so much if somebody I feel is important blows me off? Why do I blow off old friends as a way to discard them without being forthright?
Ok, that was a lot of questions.
But it's all going through my head, really.
I'm feeling more invincible too... despite the ailments. For so long I've felt like a ninth grader who's being tracked - needed to get the best grades, do the most sports, get the best job. Those two years after graduating were SO HARD! I now feel like you could throw a subject in front of me to teach, an instrument to learn, a person who doesn't want to learn - I know I could deal with it.
Yeah, confidence. That's what that is.
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